"Comforter"

I used to think that I'm quite "independent" as I earn my living expenses with my effort. Juggling between college and part-time job isn't an easy task especially my college life is blended with extra-curricular activities eg: sport events and student council's meetings and events which will be "hunting" me very soon.

BUT, today I find out that how important is "SHE" to me in my life. I was in terrible bad mood with stuff that I'm facing at the moment. Home is the only place which I can release myself from being an "ironic" girl to "immature" girl, I find no way out to express my frustration to my beloved ones- My mother. She forever do not understand what is happening in my school life but with the hot steamed rice, hot soup, delicious food on the dining table and also her "patience and caring" calm me down instantly. At the moment, I realized that without her I'm nothing. She is my core supporter regardless of any conditions. Uncondition love from her, I feel safe and being love although I have to go through many hardships in different aspects. I do not need to go for a counseling session with my mum, her unspoken act has already enough for me to escape from the troublesome and control my bad temper.

I have to admit that I'm a traditional Chinese, I do not know ways to express my appreciation and love to my parents. Hugging or just by saying "I Love You" is not my "style". BUT, I really do love my parents for bringing up who am I today. I learn many values in the education field for being a part-time tuition teacher. It makes me totally understand that every "tears and sweats" of each parent goes through to educate their children. It is a long-life project, no holidays and stand by 24-7. Dad and Mum, both of you did a good job. Thank you, I love you.


Your daughter,
Siew Yan.

too free~

你的出现令我的眼光不由自主地朝你的方向望去。

不断地打量你的衣着，言行举止。

你拥有无限的神秘感，

也许距离使我好奇地在你的身上寻找答案。

因好奇产生化学作用。

你呆若木鸡的表情，灵活的思维，

无法阻止我不停在你的一举一动作出逻辑性的解答。

可悲的是没有明确的答案，

只因个人的传统观念及超强的自尊心。

超出正常的心跳规律令我陷入自我陶醉的世界。

good news VS bad news

Good News: Assignments almost accomplished.
Bad News: The Finals are coming.

For the past three months, my life is full with college matters, eg, assignments, discussion, presentation and not forgetting mid-terms.

Random stuff is coming out from my brain.

Low self esteem is something I wish to improve and always been failed.
I'm not too good for many things but average for everything.

Comparison makes improvement/advancement but cause pressure and other related issues.

Am I qualified to fulfill my desire? Yes, No ?

The answer remain UNKNOWN in myself.

I wish someone could tell me the answer.


/Yan

感触

恋爱像吸毒，

越吸越上瘾.

轻则咖啡因，

重则海洛英.

失恋如戒毒，

悬挂半空中,

不上不下.

* 你呢? 处于哪情况?

Sudden ShocK~

Everything seem fine through out the days. I have thought of what would my response will be if the long lost feeling come back again~!!

GUess what~!! MY 6th sense has never fail me.

After a long period, it come back again~!!! Is the right decision to discard you from my life? I made the decision last time but it failed. My wish is your name will never appear in my contacts again. I'm afraid of YOU, I will lost myself in front you.

IF you asked,"Is some one in my heart?"

My answer is I DON'T KNOW.

Certainly, I'm not willing to go back like last time. We are not SAME, living in a different world.

feelings

Have you ever ride on a roller coaster before? I experienced today after a long period. I think will end soon? Hope so~!!!

Recently

当重担在自己的肩膀一段时间后，

就会慢慢地习惯它的存在。

久而久之，就会演变成一种责任。

照顾爸妈以及支付家庭的一切开销的日子指日可待。

问题是我有没有能力担起这个家，

但我会竭尽全力去孝顺父母！

谁说女儿就像泼出去的水，一去不回头?

Another Random~

寻找爱情的过程当中，

往往会因为躁急而下了错的判断。

没有感觉的爱情

或是

被培养出来的感情

总是抵挡不过那强烈而自然的双向吸引力。

总是寻找不到有感觉的他，

不过我相信认真浪漫的爱情会到来的！

平淡的日子有它的好。

Random~

Out of difficulties, makes miracle. Determination is needed, courage is a must and A heart fulfilled with ambitions. Countless of problems in my head, reality isn't that beautiful as what are pictured in our dreams.

Work Out now, Forget about the past;
follow your ambitions your dreams your desires;
Get your path,
catch it, grasp it and hold it without doubts.

Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing by Adidas.

Sounds cool? Anything could be happen anytime anywhere.

Yan.

About "HIM"

Wondering ? who is HIM? someone special in my life. He had hurt and helped me throughout our friendship and blur status of relationship.
I missed him so much before and after HE went to other country. Maybe is a faith or maybe is a god's decision to make us apart from each other and just being friends but not closer relationship like couple as I wish so much before this.
There's no transition of status between us but a blur status mixing of close friends and a little bit of attractions. I cannot deny that I never forget or erase HIM from my heart although the incident was 1 year ago.
For those who close with me,definitely will know who he is once you saw the word of HIM.

感性还是理性?

在珠光宝气电视剧里，有句话相当有道理及令人产生共鸣的。

什么东西是女人有而男人没有的呢?

是直觉

什么东西是男人有而女人没有的呢?

是理性

其实在爱情世界里，何尝女人缺乏理性而已呢?

男人也会被一时冲动而犯了些错误！

天长地久的恋爱是否真的存在呢?

处于20芳龄的我，真的无法给你完整的答案。

为什么? 失恋太多次? 还是遇人不淑?

长与短的恋情我都尝试过经历过，长至2年半；短至3个月。

当中的甜酸苦辣令人回味也令人无法自拔。

我想现在的年轻人不断地换女友

寻找 自个的"真命天女/真命天子"

也只不过迷恋那短暂"超级甜蜜" 过渡期。

是那么得掏心掏肺， 心跳加速，你浓我浓，

甚至帮助血液循环呢！

你是否羡慕爸妈的爱情?

为什么爱能在他们的心中那么久?

还是因为爱情已由炽热的爱升华或转变成亲情?

还是因为是一种习惯? 习惯有你在身边?

还是因为子女的责任?

你敢担保你对一位女生的爱永恒不变吗?

现处于理性的我，我的答案是"不可能"！

也许你会觉得我消极~ 但内心深处确实觉得爱会从时间里慢慢地流失。

唯一不会让爱流失的方法就是双方面良好的沟通.

mid term

what a stressful noon I'm having right now~ PMG mid term contains 7 chapters in 1 shot with 80 MCQ~ yeah..is MCQ~ what i'm so worry about? it's just MCQ as my friend told me. BUT~ Guys~ I did badly in last semester. SO i NEED TO STUDY~ PMG is killing me. Can I blame on the lecturer for this subject? He's just not qualified for teaching this subject and I can tell u confidently that major of the class didn't listened and understood what he had conducted in previous classes. approximately 150pages in PMG is slowly killing me off, it's heavy in information. AND I swear I don't want or wish to be project manager. what a stressful job in life. continue next time~

Exam,Exam,Exam

What a stressful situation I'm having it now! Now is the period for final exam to end my first semester in year 1 degree. Eventually Holidays will follow by finishing my final examination ! hooray..!! Monday will be the last examination which I'm going to have---LLS. what is LLS? For those who are not from HELP university college definitely will question about it. LLS means Leadership and Life Skills. what the hell..!! what's the connection between psychology and leadership? In fact, I knew that it's connected,but somehow I feel super boring in this subject. Are leaders born or nurture by environment? An argument going under this boring topic. What a joke!

ANYway, Just Do It,siew yan. You still need to sit for the exam and review the results by the end of December. Ganbateh...!!

Regards,

YAn.

Heart breaking~

Since Eddie had switched his working environment, his temper become worse compare to last time. He started to shout and scold at me whenever he feels stressed due to big pressure he's having in new place. Tonight I had a quarrel with him again. Crying is the only channel to allow me to release all sadness and pain. I feel weird that he will be the first ones who know I'm crying or upset about something. Are an appraisal to him or a punishment yet a bad news to me? I couldn't lie to him anything which I wish to cover without his notification. Personality test shows that I have high level of empathy but in fact I don't agree with this statement. IF I can understand Eddie's pressure,why I can't tolerant with it? Why I can’t understand Eddie’s temper IF I can cope with his stress? Our relationship has just started,yet we have many quarrel and misunderstanding between us in the past two months.

Sometimes, I question myself " Is him a right person to me ?" Does he worth for me to spend my entire life with him ? My answer is " I don't know!" I feel exhausted after quarrelling and crying because of him. I think only time will prove our love. Sleep will be the best medicine for me right now to heal all my wounds.

Good night!

Regards,

Yan

First post

This is my first post in 2008. I have decided to start blogging due to the boredom in University life. First of all, let me introduce myself. I'm a Malaysian who never being to other countries before. I'm in a relationship with a young man who enthusiastic towards his career,Eddie.

Currently I'm holding NST scholarship to continue my tertiary education. I'm glad that I made an appropriate decision to switch college in order to realize my dream. I'm surrounded with pride and appraisal from friends and family once I've successfully received the scholarship. However, I have to bear with difficult situations such as adapt to a totally new environment. Naturally, my stress level had been skyrocket and causes low self-esteem. One of the reasons is my English level is not up to university requirement. Poor command of English causes I do not dare to speak and write as flow as I could in every assignment.

On the other hand, I'm trying hard to improve my English as psychology student needs good written and spoken command in English. Sometimes,I feel guilty holding a scholarship to enter HELP university college. Clinical Psychologist is my ideal career as I'm interested to help people who are unable to cope with daily life due to many factors. Thus, English is essential to open up my ideal career or as a stepping stone towards my career.

Yet, mastering English isn't easy to me as I'm from a Chinese educated background. I have less chance expose to English environment compare to others. This is applicable to my Bahasa Malaysia too. I've gone through a hard time in primary to catch up my bahasa. Now, it happens to my English again. In fact, I knew that I will be no longer having language barriers once I've make my English up to standard. I need to keep motivated to master my English as I've no way back but keep moving towards my ideal career.

I'm here to please that everyone who knows me or a stranger to me,give me a chance to improve my English.


Regards,

Ice Ng